


I Always Saw The Real You, I Hoped You Would See It Too

by TheBeautifulLove



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M, Romance, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-26 03:43:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9860912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBeautifulLove/pseuds/TheBeautifulLove
Summary: It may be true that there are two sides to Theo Raeken.Liam chooses to see only the real side though, the one under all the layers of evil forced upon him.





	

 

_There comes a time when every werewolf realises that the wolf side of them, the one that needs an anchor, the one that needs a mate, is very different to the human side. The human is rational. The wolf is instinctive. If those two sides want something very different, it comes down to a choice. It’s never certain which choice is the right one._

I close the book with force and put it back on the shelf. I should have known there will be no answers to my questions in books. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, leaning against the hard bookshelf. I have made a choice. _The human is rational._ Surely, rational is good. I made the right decision.

‘Is everything okay?’ Her soft voice near my ear startles me. I was so focused on my thoughts I didn’t even hear her coming.

When I nod, her arms sneak around my waist and her chest is glued to my back. I feel calm but after a moment I start to feel trapped. She’s hugging too tight, there’s not enough air. I turn around and her embrace loosens. I take a deep breath and stare into her brown eyes.

‘I’m fine. I was just reading.’ I say and she smiles.

‘You’ve been reading a lot lately.’ She notices.

‘Without people wanting to kidnap the entire town, I finally have time to do it.’ I laugh and watch her eyes shine.

She’s always been easy to be with. It was comfortable with her and I loved to watch her eyes when she’s so happy like now. I used to think there was so much hidden behind those dark eyes that I wanted to discover but now I feel like I already know everything there is. That thought makes me feel empty somehow.

‘Let’s go eat something. I’m starving.’ She’s heading towards the door, pulling my hand. I follow her, smiling a little. I know I’ll always miss her when she’s away. The love between us is pure and calm.

‘Liam?’ Mason’s voice distracts me from my thoughts. I realise I don’t even know what we were talking about. Luckily, he repeats the question. ‘You’re coming to the party on Saturday right?’

I watch him eat his chips slowly. I look at Hayden who’s sitting next to me and everyone else at the table. ‘Sure.’ I say after a moment. I notice Mason looking at me for a second longer than usual before he carries on talking about the party.

I look around the cafeteria again. I don’t know why I’m hoping to see him here. He’s not here and I know it very well. He decided school wasn’t for him anymore and got a job at café not far away from the school. I smile at the memory of Theo wearing a red apron and serving my coffee clumsily when I first decided to visit him there.

‘What are you smiling so much at?’ Hayden asks with curious eyes.

I blush a little. ‘Nothing. Just remembered something funny. Doesn’t matter.’ She just nods and goes back to the conversation with Mason and I try very hard to listen.

***

After school Hayden and I are standing by my car and talking. She has her arms around my neck and her scent is so strong around me. It’s very sweet, overpowering all other scents. I can’t even smell the ozone that’s heavy in the air after the rain. It’s all just her and it’s almost too much.

‘Tell Theo “hi” from me.’ Hayden says honestly.

After what happened with the ghost riders, Theo and I became good friends. Everyone else forgave him for what he did before too and accepted that he changed for better. Mason was the least convinced one, he still kept his distance from the chimera. He reminded me of Stiles that way.

‘I will. I’ll bring you some caramel latte when I come back.’ I watch her smile grow. I like making her happy. I’ll never be able to stand seeing her hurt.

‘That’s sweet of you. Please, don’t come home too late though. I want to make a nice supper and watch a film with you before we go to sleep.’ She says.

‘Okay, I’ll try.’ I reply quietly.

She nods and kisses me. Her lips are soft and sweet like always. It’s slow and predictable. It unnerves me somehow and I press my lips harder suddenly, biting at her lower lip a little. She’s surprised for a moment then giggles into the kiss but doesn’t kiss back any harder than before. She breaks away, smiling wide.

‘Whoa. Let’s wait with that for the evening, tiger.’ She’s stroking the side of my face and I lean my forehead against hers, closing my eyes. I’m a bit irritated and I don’t really know why. I just wanted something to be different than usual, just a little more spontaneous.

She reads my behaviour as lust though and an attempt at controlling myself. I perfectly understand why – there were times when this was the case between us.

‘I’ll see you later then.’ She gives me one last, quick kiss and gets in the car to drive home.

I stand there for a moment watching her drive away. I make sure that she’s made it without a problem from the parking lot onto the main road. She’s only gotten her driving licence last week and is still a bit anxious to drive by herself, even if she’ll never admit that.

***

Every time I enter the café it feels familiar, comforting yet exciting. It’s the scent that welcomes me that makes me want to stay there forever. The mixture of coffee, apple pie and Theo is like home. I never thought it would be possible to put those three things together and associate them with home but somehow that’s what it is. That’s what it has become over the last couple of months.

There aren’t many people in the café today. I quietly take a sit by the bar not to disturb the boy. It still surprises me that after everything that he did and how he behaved, he finally realised that being good was what he really needed and who he was.

Theo is facing away from me, filling the machine with freshly grounded coffee. His movements are still unsure. He’s been working here for only two weeks and is still learning.

‘Same thing as always for you, Liam?’ he says even before he turns around. Of course he knows I’m here by my scent. The amusement in his voice makes me smile.

‘Yes, please.’ I say sweetly and I know no matter how much I insist he’ll never make me pay for the drink.

He pours the coffee and turns around placing it in front of me. After two weeks of practice, he manages to place the cup gently on the table without spilling it. Before he would put it down so hard, the liquid would go everywhere. That’s called progress. I laugh at my own thought.

‘What’s so funny now?’ Theo crosses his arms over his chest.

‘Nothing. I just remembered how you used to spill the coffee all the time for the first few days.’ I laugh again and he smirks down at me.

‘I have a lot of raw strength and those cups are small and delicate okay?’ He argues. ‘Being evil didn’t exactly prepare me for this.’

I like how he doesn’t avoid talking about his past. He’s not trying to forget what he did but tries to move on from the person he used to be.

‘I know. I’m proud of how well you’re doing.’ I say honestly, sipping the coffee. He knows I’m not talking only about his new job.

Theo looks at me for a long moment and just smiles. I can’t help myself but stare. He doesn’t smile like that often. It’s usually just his trademark smirk or a softer version of that same expression when he’s joking but then there are times when he’s really happy and really smiles. This is one of those and every time it leaves me wondering how anyone can be so beautiful just smiling. When I think about it for dangerously long I realise it’s not exactly anyone – it’s just Theo.

We talk whenever Theo doesn’t have to serve coffee to people. When he does, I just watch. It feels nice to feel the afternoon sun on my face from the window and watch him press buttons and carry coffee and cakes to the tables. Although he’s just making coffee there is still that slightly dangerous aura about him, that readiness to fight, that cautiousness and watchfulness as if he’s prepared for anything. I realise it makes my heart beat faster. I can’t forget the way he saved me from the ghost riders. The rage in his eyes when he saw that I was in serious danger. He attacked them with strength I never thought was possible even for a supernatural.

When I bring the cup to my lips, I realise it’s empty. I put it down back on the table and notice the sun going quickly down. I sigh deeply, realising that I should be going soon. I make no move to get up.

‘Want another one?’ Theo points at my empty cup. I physically need to force myself to refuse. His eyes are so bright and with his smirk and raised eye brow, I want to agree to everything. I want to be repeating “yes” over and over again in response to everything until he doesn’t even have to ask anymore.

I don’t even know when I started to feel this way. I used to try to resist it but then I realised it doesn’t help at all. I feel bad that I feel this way because I have a girlfriend. I shouldn’t be thinking like this about anyone except her. I won’t hurt her though. She deserves to be happy.

‘I… no. I have to get going soon. Hayden wanted to eat a supper and watch a film.’ Theo nods and smiles a little but the smile is too automatic and his eyes become darker. I know this expression and I hate seeing it but I can’t do anything.

‘Sure. Enjoy your evening, Liam.’

I nod, avoiding his eyes. I always feel torn. I don’t want to leave him but I have to go back to Hayden. I like spending time with her and I love how supportive and caring she is but I can’t help being pulled towards Theo. The pull seems almost physical like I actually struggle to move away from him.

‘Thanks for the coffee. It was delicious.’ I say, standing up. I’m talking unnecessarily just to stay longer with him.

‘Delicious?’ He’s smirking and leaning with his hands on the table. ‘Last time it was just nice. I think I’m really improving.’

‘You are.’ I laugh and look at him for a long moment.

I can’t help myself. Normally, I would just say goodbye and walk out but I feel lightheaded somehow, drunk on emotions, so I walk quickly towards the bar. I’m probably not even supposed to because I don’t work here but it’s just a passing thought that I ignore. I notice the slight surprise on his face and hear his heart beat faster when I’m really close. I wrap my arms around him not caring anymore about anything or anyone. I hug tight and for longer than I probably should but I can’t break away when he actually snuggles a little into me. I’m unaware of anything around me but his warm body and his scent. It’s slightly sweet but it also has an edge to it. It smells like a beach after a storm. The wolf side of me is extremely attracted to it.

I force myself to pull away from him and with a quick “bye” I walk out of the café. I run all the way home, my heart hammering against my chest. When I close my eyes, all I see is Theo’s eyes flashing gold for a half a second as I pulled away from him _. It’s never certain which choice is the right one._ So, why does it feel like I made the wrong one?

***

‘Were you running? Are you okay?’ Hayden is standing by the stove with a wooden spoon in hand.

‘Yeah, I’m fine. Just felt like taking a run home.’ I walk over to kiss her quickly and she closes her eyes. I go straight to the shower, feeling suddenly exhausted. The warm water streaming down my body relaxes me a little. I still see the bright gold turning into pale blue in my head though and it makes me want to laugh, smile and scream at the same time.

When we’re sitting on the couch later on, Hayden is watching the movie with full attention and I’m only staring at the flashing images on the screen. My thoughts are not exactly occupied with something else but I’m somehow too distracted to pay attention. At dinner Hayden was disappointed that I didn’t bring her the promised coffee and I said that I forgot. It’s technically true but the reason why I forgot I didn’t mention. I can never mention that.

I snuggle to Hayden, resting my head on her shoulder. I need touch. I need someone close to me right now and she immediately shifts to snuggle back and runs her hand through my hair. I press even harder into her, changing our position to a more comfortable one and she laughs a little. I realise I must look like a cat on their owner’s lap, begging for attention.

‘I love you.’ Hayden says after a moment, still stroking my hair in a slow, comforting way.

‘I love you too.’ It comes out easily and automatically. I will always love her. No matter what happens, I always will.

Her scent and the heat of her body always had the same relaxing and reassuring effect on me. Tonight I feel suddenly too hot in her arms but I soon hear her steady breath and I know she’s slowly falling asleep. Just like always, I wait a bit longer and then carefully carry her to the bedroom. For a moment it feels like nothing has changed between us. It would be much easier if it didn’t.

***

Theo keeps texting me if I’m okay. I reply that I’m fine. He’s probably worried that I don’t come to the café and don’t hang out with him after school anymore. I just don’t know how to act around him anymore knowing he likes me back the way I like him. It was obvious in the way he hugged back that there was more than friendship between us. When his eyes flashed gold, I felt mine shine bright too. It’s a wolf thing everyone knows about. That moment changed everything. I behave really maturely about the situation - I avoid him.

I really miss playing video games with him like we used to. We could spend long hours occupied in an intense game, not even realising how dark it got outside. Hayden usually didn’t mind as much though. After Mason nearly lost Corey during the ghost riders attack, they were inseparable which meant I wasn’t hanging out with Mason so much anymore. Hayden was happy that I had a close friend again.

I try to make an excuse not to go to the party on Saturday but Hayden and everyone else for that matter doesn’t take no for an answer so that’s how I end up drinking a beer that won’t even make me drunk in the middle of someone’s living room, shouting over the loud music to try to somehow communicate with my girlfriend.

She’s in a great mood today, swinging her hips a little to the music, biting the end of the straw in her glass seductively. She’s not dropping her gaze from my face even for a moment and I pretend I don’t notice her stare. I look around to see Corey and Mason already in the middle of the dancefloor. They’re both great dancers and everyone’s eyes switch back to them every now and then.

When I turn around back to Hayden, as if out of nowhere there is Amanda there too talking to her. She’s Hayden’s new friend who moved to Beacon Hills not long ago. Ever since she said she’s always wanted to move here because the town seemed somehow intriguing to her, everyone has been guessing what creature she could be.

‘The party is awesome!’ Amanda exclaims to Hayden while playing with her long, curly blond hair.

I don’t share the same opinion. I would rather be spending the night at home, playing video games and eating ice cream. Or better even apple pie with ice cream. Before I can even properly imagine how nice that would be instead of the loud, crowded party, Hayden is shoving her drink into Amanda’s hand and grabbing me by my wrist. I look at her surprised but she’s already dragging me in the direction of the dance floor, smiling widely.

‘Let’s dance!’ I can barely make out her saying. I briefly look at Amanda who is waving a tiny goodbye to us and smiling. I notice how guys at the party watch her unable to look away from her sweet smile.

I let Hayden drag me along and do my best to dance energetically when she gets impossibly close to me and moves in a perfect rhythm to the song. In my mind though, I go back to my imagined, perfect evening in and suddenly realise that I’m no longer alone in it. On the couch next to me with a game controller in one hand and a plateful of pie and ice cream in the other is no other than Theo Raeken. I would so much rather be in my fantasy than here right now but I try to focus on Hayden whose hands are on my back and whose hips bump into mine. 

I look behind her and watch all the other people dancing and having fun. I notice a dark figure that seems somehow familiar standing with their back against the wall. It’s too dark to see their face but I can’t look away. I’m squinting and using all my supernatural senses but with all the other people here and the lack of lighting, I can’t figure out who it is. All I know is that it’s someone I know. The person raises their head to look straight at me.

I get a hot feeling in my stomach erupting as if something suddenly exploded within me. Recognition washes over me like a bucket of hot water when the eyes of the mysterious person flash bright gold. It’s like a lighthouse beaconing a ship that’s lost in a wide, wide ocean. I’m drawn to him, instinctively making a half a step forward but I stop myself there when I only press harder into Hayden. I look down to see her biting her lip at me. I try to smile in return and in the darkness she fails to notice how forced it is. I sigh in relief.

I look back to Theo who’s still there. Still leaning casually against the wall. Still watching me intensely. I don’t drop my gaze but continue dancing with Hayden. I realise how wrong this is. My heart is beating like crazy because of a boy standing all the way across the room while I’m ignoring my girlfriend who is now almost glued to my body. I look down to the floor, taking a deep breath, trying to organise my thoughts. When a moment later I look back to the same place, Theo is no longer there. I blink a few times and look around desperately but he is really gone.

I feel empty and terribly tired all of a sudden. I just want to go home and sleep. Sleep and never wake up.

***

I’m not surprised to see Theo on Monday afternoon, leaning against my car in the parking lot. I’ve finished classes and wasn’t waiting for Hayden who already left with Amanda to do some shopping. I stop for a moment before he knows I’m here. I watch him looking down at his shoes and I wish I could stop time to just look for longer. He looks so vulnerable and alone. I just want to run up to him and hug him until he smiles his rare, genuine smile but I don’t. Instead I walk up to him slowly and he turns his head as soon as he catches my scent in the air.

Immediately, I know something is wrong. I know I owe him an explanation and apology for how I was avoiding him for the past few days but there’s something in his expression that assures me he’s not mad about that. I stand in front of him.

‘Theo?’ His name comes out weakly from my mouth and he’s just looking back at me without a word. ‘Is everything okay?’ I add, worried.

He just nods but his face is painfully blank. For a moment I feel like I’m talking to the old, evil Theo and a shiver runs down my spine. Then as if he’s enjoying playing with my emotions, he takes a deep breath and looks at me with much warmer eyes.

‘Everything’s fine.’ Despite the milder expression, there is a weird distance in his voice. As if he’s talking to a random stranger, not a friend. I feel lost and a bit anxious.

‘I’m sorry for how I was lately… Hayden wanted to spend some more time together… I - ‘I say even though I know he can hear my heartbeat exposing the blatant lie. I don’t even know why I say it in the first place. I don’t want to lie to him but I’m just scared to talk about us, about what happened before. Talking about it would mean there’s no running away from it and I want to run. I want to run from the feelings I shouldn’t have.

Theo just interrupts me with a small, sad smile. ‘You don’t have to explain yourself, Liam. I understand.’

I know he’s talking about the real reason for my avoidance, not the pointless lie. The truth hangs in the air, unspoken yet obvious to both of us. There is silence. It doesn’t feel awkward; it just feels tense. I’m about to say something to break it but he speaks first.

‘I’m moving out of Beacon Hills.’

It feels like a tonne of bricks have just been dropped on top of my heart. I feel physically heavier, taking the information in. For a second I reject it, I want to believe I misheard that somehow but there is no escaping from that. He knows I can’t leave Hayden even after what happened before and despite what is between us. And he can’t stay here to watch me and her every day like everything is the same it was before.

‘I understand.’ I sigh. ‘But what about your new job?’ I ask, still selfishly hoping he would stay. “What about me?” I add sadly in my mind.

I see the pain flash in his eyes for a second but he replaces it quickly with another fake smile. I feel like crying so I bite my lip hard to stop myself.

‘I had like two full weeks of experience, I’m sure finding new job won’t be a problem.’ He smirks with confidence. I laugh involuntary. I’ll miss his sense of humour. I’ll miss his blue eyes. I’ll miss his smirks. I’ll miss his scent.

“Breathe Liam.”

‘You’ll still visit me though, won’t you?’ My voice is dripping with desperation. I wish I could control my feelings better.

‘Of course I will, I’m not moving very far. I just can’t stay here. So close to you when…’ He doesn’t finish but he doesn’t have to. Theo looks at the ground for a second before looking back at me. ‘If I left completely, who would save your ass from monsters and let you win at Halo?’

I snort and watch his eyes shine a little with amusement. ‘Let me win? That’s so funny.’ I shake my head and laugh.

‘When are you leaving?’ I ask seriously and his smile fades.

‘Tomorrow afternoon. I’m almost done with everything but there are still some things to pack.’

‘Do you want me to come help you pack tomorrow morning?’ I ask with hope.

‘You have classes tomorrow morning.’ Theo reasons.

‘Fuck classes.’ I say sharply without thinking. Theo’s eyebrows rise in surprise and he smirks again. I blush as I rarely swear and I don’t know what came over me.

‘Okay. I’ll see you then.’ Theo says and moves to walk away but before he can do that I stop him.

‘Wait.’ I say and I don’t have to even think if it’s a good idea or not anymore.

I move closer and I watch Theo’s expression change from curious to slightly surprised to finally end with happiness. I snake my arms around his neck tightly, pulling him close. It doesn’t look like we’re friends. Not even a bit. Not even a bit becomes not at all when I snuggle up to him and run my hand through his hair above his ear. His hands are stronger on my back than when they were couple of days ago and he’s hugging tighter like he really doesn’t want to let go this time. I’m painfully aware of my heartbeat matching his both in speed and volume. It’s so crazy. I need him so much more than I thought.

“You made a decision, Liam. A rational decision.”

I let go of him finally. Something I can’t describe that makes me feel hot all over, flashes in his eyes. He briefly looks down again.

‘See you tomorrow.’ I say weakly with a small smile and watch him walk away slowly.

I get in my car and rest my head on the steering wheel, exhaling loudly. _The human is rational. The wolf is instinctive._

***

I got almost no sleep last night and I have to really focus on driving carefully to Theo’s house. Hayden just nodded and said “Go, Liam” when I told her Theo is moving away and I’m skipping school to go help him pack. I didn’t miss the weird flash in her eyes when she said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world that I should go to Theo and skip all day of classes. I looked at her for a long moment not knowing how to reply but then she just smiled weakly and kissed my cheek goodbye, leaving the house.

When I stop in Theo’s driveway, I see the door wide open and many boxes piled up on the lawn in front of the house. I get out and head for the front door. I suddenly take a step back when a hard carton box bumps into my chest with force in the doorway.

‘Oh! I’m so sorry, Liam. I didn’t see you there.’ I hear Theo’s concerned voice before I even see his face hidden behind the huge box.

I take the box from him. ‘Let me help you with that.’ It’s heavy even with super strength. I place it on the grass next to the rest of the boxes. I look to Theo, forming a funny comment about how much stuff he has in my mind but when I look at him, the words get stuck in my suddenly dry mouth.

He's standing there smiling a little genuine smile with hands on his hips. He’s wearing a loose white t-shirt and grey cotton shorts looking really casual and comfortable. However, the detail that surprises me the most is his hair. It’s not perfectly styled like usual but soft, frizzy almost. It’s like he didn’t touch it since he got out of bed this morning and that is probably true but along with everything else it just looks so adorable. And hot. Sweet lord. I realise I’m staring for too long.

Before I start blushing like crazy I break the silence. ‘So, what else is there to pack?’

If he noticed me staring, and he definitely did, he doesn’t say anything. ‘Not much. I’ll show you.’ He tells me to follow him into the house.

I look around and instantly hate how empty it is now. All things that made it so Theo are gone and the shelves, tables and walls are depressingly bare. I miss the breath-taking photos taken by Theo himself that used to hang in the living room.

I remember the first time I came to his house and how shocked I was to find that Theo liked taking pictures as a hobby. His photographs were everywhere and they were beautiful, rare moments of people and nature captured at just the right time. I look to the spot where my favourite photo was. It showed a dark forest just before dawn with first sun beams of the day bursting in between the trees. It always reminded me of Theo and his personality. The core darkness mixing with the blinding and inevitable light. The sun, although still weak and orange, already seemed to triumph over the deep darkness.

Theo notices me looking at the place where the photograph used to be. ‘You really liked that one, didn’t you?’

He is standing behind me and his voice is very low. I nod slowly turning around to face him but he’s walking towards his room and I furrow my brows, confused. Before I can ask what he’s doing though he comes back with the exact photo in his hand.

‘I didn’t pack it with the other things because I wanted to give it to you.’ I’m aware my mouth is hanging slightly open as I take it from his hands. I run my fingers along the white wooden frame and the glass encasing the photograph. I’m speechless.

‘Really? I can keep it?’ I ask with slightly shaky hands. Theo is shaking his head disbelievingly at me.

‘No, you can hold it for a minute and you have to give it back to me.’ Theo’s voice is dripping with sarcasm but a second later he just smiles. ‘Of course you can keep it. It’s for you.’

‘Thank you.’ I reply hugging the photo to my chest. ‘I’ll put it in my car now so I don’t forget to take it.’ I almost run towards my car and I hear Theo giggle behind me. Giggle! I’m very tempted to turn around but I don’t because he’ll see the dark blush on my face if I do.

When I come back into the house, the chimera is in his room, looking through a book with a big carton box on the floor next to him. I notice the bookshelf in front of him is still full of books like it always was.

‘Should I pack all these?’ I ask and Theo nods without looking away from the book. He suddenly closes it with a thud and places it at the bottom of the box.

‘Please, if you can. I’ll start taking some of the furniture that’s mine outside. There should be a truck coming here soon to take the stuff to my new house.’

I just nod standing in front of the book shelf, grabbing the first book, then two more. Theo looks at me. I feel his eyes on my face but force myself not to look back at him. He can already hear my heartbeat picking up pace. If I turn to look at him now, I’ll just get lost in his pale blue eyes like I always do when he’s this close to me.

I hear him walking away after a moment, while I pretend I’m reading the titles of the books I hold in my hands. When he leaves the room I lean with one hand against the wall and exhale deeply. How can someone have such an effect on me just by simply watching my face and standing close? I put the books into the box as I try to calm my breathing and heart rate at the same time.

After I’m finished with the books, I look around to see some clothes still on Theo’s bed folded neatly into piles but not packed. I pick up the first dark green hoodie and place it at the bottom of another, smaller cartoon box. I do the same with the rest, trying hard to resist bringing the soft material to my face to inhale the smell. It’s a difficult task. I fail a couple of times. I’m painfully aware of the animal side of me roaring loudly every time at the intoxicating scent. I feel my eyes flash gold without my control and I close them, willing my body to obey me and follow my orders. It’s difficult to tame the wild side at times and this is one of those. It surprises me for a moment that it happens now but I come to the conclusion that it’s the realisation that Theo will soon be gone that’s fuelling my reactions. I just want to hold on to him and the things that belong to him for as long as I can.

I leave one dark blue sweater aside, thinking that maybe he would like to wear it when he leaves but deep inside I hope he just gives it to me like the photo to keep forever. I stare at the soft blue material in my hands. I’m falling in way too deep. The image of Hayden flashes in my mind but I ignore it, deciding that today it’s just all about Theo. I hate how that last thought seems so wrong and right at the same time.

A black truck pulls up the driveway and I go outside to see Theo and the man lift boxes and put them inside the vehicle. The man is struggling with the big boxes even though he is much taller and muscular than Theo and me.

Theo is lifting boxes and furniture with ease. The man doesn’t hide the surprised expression on his face. I rush to help them and pick a huge cupboard energetically placing it in the truck. The man’s eyes grow ever larger and his mouth drops. This experience cannot be good for his self-esteem but unknowingly he’s competing against two supernaturals.

‘You boys sure are strong!’ He exclaims wiping the sweat from his brow, discreetly.

‘Always have been.’ Theo says. The man nods and reluctantly goes back to work.  

When I look at Theo he winks at me with a huge smirk. It almost makes me drop the chair I’m carrying.

***

Theo and I are standing by the house an hour later, watching the driver reverse his truck back onto the main road and speed away towards the direction of Colindale. I hear Theo sigh next to me. I feel guilty for being the cause of him having to move away and having to go through all the trouble of packing, finding new house and job. God, I’m such an awful person. It’s all because of me and my stupid decisions.

‘Theo, listen I’m sorry.’ I begin and he looks at me confused. ‘I’m sorry that because of me you have to move and - ‘

He rolls his eyes. ‘Liam. Stop talking. Let’s go inside and eat something. I got terribly hungry from the hard work.’

He puts his arm around my shoulders and leads us to the house. I take a sit on the purple sofa that had to stay here as it belongs to the house owner. I hug my knees to my chest and watch Theo pull out water, juice, sandwiches and cookies from a plastic bag putting them on the counter. He briefly looks at me and bites his lip when he notices my stare but I don’t even look away. I don’t care anymore. I need to look for longer to make up for all the time I won’t see him when he leaves. I want to learn by heart every detail of his face. I rest my head on my knees and keep watching openly like he’s the most interesting movie I’ve ever seen.

‘What do you want to eat and drink?’ Theo points at the food with a sandwich and water already in his hand for himself.

‘Anything.’ I say and it comes out so softly and almost sleepy. I’m still not looking away from Theo’s eyes. He smiles and stares back. After a second of thought he gets everything from the counter and puts it in on the couch next to me. He sits down, takes the sandwich and bottle of water he had before and starts to eat and drink.

I take a sandwich and orange juice for myself. I put the rest of the food on the ground. It’s silent when we eat. When we’re finished, we just sit there for a long moment.

‘Do you still want to work as a barista in Colindale?’ I ask, looking at my hands, suddenly sad knowing our time together is quickly running out.

‘That’s the only thing I know how to do.’ Theo doesn’t sound disappointed or sad. He just states it as a fact. I look at him sitting comfortably on the sofa staring into space.

‘I’ll miss the delicious coffee.’ I say although I also want to say all the other things I’ll miss.

‘The best thing about the coffee was that it was free, right?’ Theo laughs.

‘No, the best thing about the coffee was that that it was perfect because it was made by you especially for me.’ I whisper and I’m scared to look at his face. I spoke the most honest truth and he knows it. Perhaps I shouldn’t have said it. It’ll make it a thousand times harder to leave him after this.

There is a silence apart from the fast beating of Theo’s heart. I still don’t look at his face but I feel him moving closer to me on the couch. I feel his hand on my chin, gently moving my head to look at him. We’ve never been this close to each other. His blue eyes seem darker now, more like a deep ocean rather than a sky in spring. His eye lashes are dark and long and they cast a shadow on his skin. I force my brain to remember this sight forever. My breath becomes shallow when his scent envelops me like the softest blanket.

‘Liam?’ His voice is breathy and shaky. I’ve never seen him like this. He pauses for a long moment and I wait impatiently for him to continue. ‘Kiss me. Just once… I- I’ll never ask again. Just once- ‘

I don’t even let him finish. I don’t even have to think about it. I could say that I don’t care if it’s right or wrong anymore but I’ve stopped caring long before that.

I lean in and capture his lips slowly but surely. I turn my body much more towards his. I press harder when his lips start moving against mine. It’s not like I haven’t imagined kissing Theo before but the realisation that it’s actually happening, really happening is sending hot chills down my spine. He’s really here, all warm lips and soft skin. No amount of alcohol can make me even slightly tipsy but his scent and lips are making me drunk.

I need more, I want more. “This won’t end with one kiss Theo”.

I break away from his sweet lips just to climb on top of his lap quickly. I use the break from kissing to look at his face. His pupils are dilated and his lips are dark pink and opened invitingly. The blush on his cheeks is mesmerising. My kiss does that to him – there is heat spreading in my belly at the thought.

‘Fuck, Liam. Is this a dream? Pinch me to prove I’m not dreaming.’

I try to recreate one of those famous smirks of his and whisper ‘I have a better idea of how to prove it to you.’

I lean back in and kiss him harder receiving a low moan in response. I grab his hands putting them on my hips while I put my own hands into his hair and pull a little. I enjoy how dominant I am right now. I never knew I had this side to me. I run my tongue along his lower lip and bite a little to prove just how real this all is. He moans even harder and I’ve never heard anything hotter in my life.

‘You believe it now?’ I whisper breaking away again for a split second. He replies by pulling me closer and reconnecting our lips with much more force and lust. His hands move on my back until they find the hem of my t-shirt and travel underneath it.

I know we can’t let ourselves go too far. I… I can’t do this to her… But that thought makes me kiss him even harder, ever more passionate, pull at Theo’s hair even more. In response to that, I feel him melting into me completely, giving up on every doubt and just giving all of himself to me. He opens his mouth letting my tongue meet his. I find that I’m melting into him as much as he is into me. I want his lips, I want his hands, I want his personality, I want his dangerous side, I want his soft side, I want his dark past and I want his brighter future. I want it all.

 _It’s never certain which choice is the right one._ Yet it’s never been clearer.

***

It’s late at night when I finally enter my own house. We just couldn’t part away. Every time Theo said I should be going back to Hayden, I just kept kissing him to shut him up and he actually growled a little bit once at that, the possessive, wolf side of him taking over. I enjoyed that way too much.

The house is quiet and dark. I hear the steady rhythm of Hayden’s heart. She’s sleeping already. I take a quick shower and walk into the bedroom. I get into the bed carefully not to wake her and notice she’s not reaching out to hug me like usual. She’s keeping to her side of the bed. I close my eyes and try to fall asleep. All I see in my head is Theo walking away from me to get into his car and drive away. All I think is how badly I wanted to cry then and how even after everything that happened I was still trying to convince myself that I made the right decision.

In the morning I wake up to the bed empty. I get up and see that the blue sweater is still on the chair where I put it last night. I walk towards it and pick it up. If it wasn’t for the physical reminder, I would not even believe that yesterday really happened at all. I smile remembering Theo’s shocked face when I just went to his room and appeared a second later casually wearing his very own piece of clothing.

_‘Where did you get that from?’_

_‘I didn’t pack it because I thought you may want to wear it later if you get cold but I changed my mind. It’s mine from now on.’ I answer with confidence. I hug myself and rub my face against the fabric a little to get a reaction from him._

_Theo just laughs, shaking his head. ‘You’re unbelievable.’_

I walk into the kitchen to see Hayden already there with a cup of coffee in her hands.

‘Morning.’ I say, yawning. I kiss her cheek briefly and she just nods and murmurs a “morning” back, still staring out the window.

I take out a bowl from the kitchen cupboard to make myself cereal. Hayden only then turns around to look at me. She takes a sit at the table and tightens the belt of her white bathrobe. When I finish making my food I sit down opposite her to eat it. She’s still not saying anything and I notice her expression is unusually blank. I know something is wrong but I’m afraid to ask her. When I finish my breakfast and she finishes her coffee, she simply picks up the empty dishes and places them in the sink. It’s silent again. She stands back in the same spot by the window and suddenly sighs.

‘Go, Liam.’ Hayden breaks the silence. Her voice is soft but flat.

I look at her and it feel like a déjà vu from before. She’s repeating the same words from when I told her I’ll be going to Theo to help him pack.

‘Go where?’ I ask confused.

‘To Theo of course.’ I forgot how smart and observant Hayden is. She’s saying it with such patience and understanding as if we’re talking about me forgetting to buy milk on the way home not about how she knows and I have feelings for someone else.

‘Hayden?’ her name comes out weakly and she closes her eyes.

‘I’m not so stupid as to not notice that something broke between us, Liam.’ She exhales deeply.

I realise there is no coming back from that. I broke her heart. I did the thing I was trying so hard to prevent.

‘I will always love you, Liam.’ She comes to stand in front of me. I stand up to face her. ‘But the love between us has changed. I want you to be happy and now I know it won’t be possible with me. I knew for some time but I was selfish. I was holding onto something that wasn’t there anymore.’ She has tears in her eyes and I take her hand in mine.

‘I’m sorry. I’m just so sorry.’ I look down at the floor.

‘Don’t be.’ She squeezes my hand and smiles weakly. ‘I’m okay.’

Only now I see how strong she really is. Her heart isn’t as fragile as I took it be. I’m not the one breaking it, she knew long ago that what once was between us has ended. We both knew but we were scared. Terrified to let go of something that once seemed so perfect.

‘Go to him, Liam. You deserve to be happy.’

I kiss the top of her head for a long moment and she squeezes my hand before she let’s go.

‘You’ll be happy one day too.’ I say looking into her eyes. She nods and smiles. She never looked stronger. Not ever for a second I doubt that my words will come true.

***

The house is dark and empty. Hayden moved to live with Amanda who was looking for a housemate ever since she moved here. I look around the room that was once full of her things. I hate seeing only things that are mine. I don’t even think when I pull out the blue jumper from my wardrobe. I wore it then washed it and put it there yesterday. Even though it’s technically now mine not Theo’s, I lay it out flat on the armchair in the corner of the room. I look above the chair to the shelf where I already put the photo Theo gave me.

I feel so alone. I sit on my bed crossing my legs. I don’t even question that when I close my eyes, I see Theo’s face not Hayden’s. I accept that we are not together anymore and that acceptance comes to me easier than I thought it would.

I lay on the bed. I imagine that Theo is at work now but soon I’ll hear the familiar clank of keys and the front door opening. I sigh, realising I spend too much time in my head. I grab my phone and dial Theo’s number before I change my mind.

‘Liam?’ his voice is a little sleepy and raspy. ‘Is something wrong?’

I look at the clock to see it’s almost midnight. When did the time go? It was only ten when I last looked. I probably woke Theo up. I contemplate just apologizing and telling him to go back to sleep but I want to hear his voice. I haven’t heard it in two days and it makes me want to close my eyes and just listen for the rest of the night. When exactly did Theo’s voice stopped scaring me and started to make me feel safe?

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realise how late it is.’ I half whisper as if that would make anything better. ‘I just wanted to talk to you…’ I don’t want to finish the sentence with “because I miss you so much” even when it’s the truth.

There is a long pause and I don’t know what to say. Theo breaks the silence.

‘I figured as much.’ Theo laughs. I roll my eyes even though he obviously can’t see it. ‘You know that to talk to someone you actually have to speak though.’

‘Stop being so sarcastic, okay? Or I’ll just hung up.’ I hear another laugh. ‘Tell me how is your new house?’

I hear a short sigh. ‘It’s nice I guess.’

‘But?’

‘I miss you, Liam. I miss you so fucking much.’

I can’t help the warmth spreading in my body and gripping the phone a little too hard.

‘Theo… I…’ I start but he interrupts me.

‘No, I know. I’m sorry.’ Theo is talking fast. ‘But please say you’ll come to visit me soon. Just to play video games and hang out, I promise.’

I shake my head. I know he’s respecting the choice I made but he’s talking as if I didn’t climb on his lap two days ago and as if I didn’t kiss him as enthusiastically as he kissed me. As if I didn’t pull him impossibly close when he moaned into the kiss.

‘I’ll come soon. I’m going crazy alone in this house.’ I don’t even notice what I say until there is a long pause.

‘Alone? Where is Hayden?’ Theo sounds both curious and worried. I sigh.

‘We broke up or rather she broke up with me but before you say anything it’s okay. She made me realise that whatever was once between us was gone. Unlike me she was brave enough to admit it.’

‘I understand.’ His voice is low like there is something behind it that he’s not telling me but I don’t ask about it.

Instead I ask him to talk to me until I fall asleep and he just laughs a little and starts describing the layout and features of his new house in a calm voice. I put the phone on loudspeaker and place it next to my ear. Everything fades into nothingness before Theo can even get to describe the kitchen.

***

I don’t remember anything I learn in classes the following day. I just want the day to finish. My head is filled with memories of Theo and I from three days ago and his soft voice from yesterday. I can’t stop it and I don’t want to anymore.

At lunch, even though everyone knows that Hayden and I broke up, nobody talks about it. Conversations are the same as usual and whenever Hayden’s and my eyes meet, she just smiles a little. It’s not awkward at all and it makes me feel better. I guess I was anxious about how our friendships would become after everything that has changed. I don’t miss the look Mason is giving me from time to time though. It’s like he wants to ask me something but doesn’t know how.

It’s about midnight when I’m lying on my bed. This time it’s because I can’t sleep. I want to call Theo again but it won’t be enough anymore. I rush out of bed, put on a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. I walk outside and get into my car. I press the buttons on the GPS impatiently and drive into the night.

Almost an hour later I pull slowly into the driveway of a small house. I switch off the lights and walk towards the front door. I raise my hand to knock but drop it in the last second. I press the handle down and the door opens with a tiny click. I don’t know why but I’m hoping Theo is sleeping and I don’t want to wake him.

When I enter the house, I hear his slow, steady heartbeat and I breathe a sigh of relief. There is still some heat coming from the radiators, so he must have gone to sleep only a while ago. I feel bad for just walking into the house without him knowing but when I follow his scent into his bedroom, my breath stops for a second and I’m glad I decided to just sneak in.

I lean on the frame of the open door and watch with my heart suddenly beating thousand miles an hour. Theo is there, in the double bed. He’s lying on his stomach without any t-shirt on. One of his arms is under his head and the other is pointing outwards. The duvet is only covering him from his lower back downwards exposing smooth, muscular back. His hair is messy, slightly curly and covering the side of his face. His lips are just slightly apart, taking in and out soft, rhythmic breaths.

I watch with wide eyes and my own breathing shallow, not believing how beautiful he looks. He looks like a completely different person when he sleeps. He looks so gentle and peaceful. He used to be evil, he used to kill without much thought. His words and actions used to hurt and freeze me to the bone yet I’m standing here before the same man and I want to protect him. I remember the strong side of him that saved me from the ghost riders and risked his own life to protect mine. I now look at him sleeping peacefully and see the other side. In my head I see the genuine smiles, the soft smirks and the shine in his eyes. I remember his laugh and his jokes.

I’m falling in love. I’m falling in love with every single thing that he is. Everything that made him who he is and everything he had to become to make him the person he is now.

I walk over to his bed and lie next to him. I watch him move a little in his sleep. I lean forward and place the softest kisses on his cheek, jaw and lips. He moves around more, mumbling something incoherent and suddenly his eyes open, flashing gold. Before I can even gasp, I’m lying flat, my back pressing into the mattress with Theo on top of me. He’s holding both of my wrists with one of his hands above my head and the other is next to my throat, long claws inches from the skin.

‘Liam?!’ Theo’s eyes go back to their usual blue. He’s breathing heavily. ‘What are you…? I could have hurt you.’

I just look at him with a calm, soft expression. My heart is beating faster but not because I’m scared but because I like the position we’re in. It’s kind of stupid. It’s kind of reckless that I’m just not scared of him at all. Perhaps I should be but the trust has been planted really deep down.

‘Only because you follow your instinct, thinking I was a threat.’ I also have to look at the reality of what could happen but it doesn’t scare me at all. The change from evil to good is a long road, no matter how much progress you make. ‘And anyway I’ll heal.’

‘I’m serious, I really don’t want to hurt you, Liam.’ Theo looks down avoiding my eyes and presses one hand hard into the mattress next to my head, while still loosely holding both my wrists.

His breathing is slower now and his hair falls completely into his eyes. I know he’s not talking about the physical hurt anymore.

‘You won’t.’ I state simply and free one of my hands to push the soft, loose strands of hair out of his face. I see tears in his eyes.

‘I’ve hurt a lot of people in the past, Liam. Don’t you remember who I was? What I did?’

‘I’m not denying who you used to be, Theo but that was never the real you. People made you a monster and you believed that this is who you have to be. I… I could always see behind the evil, cold mask. I always knew there was someone completely different waiting to be found but with everything going on I felt I had no way of reaching you. Then when there was only the two of us left in the hospital, I took the chance. I was so angry at you because it was so clear you wanted to be different but didn’t have the courage to go for it. I wanted to show you that it could be different. That you could be different.’

Theo’s eyes are shining in the dark and I’m don’t tear my eyes away from them. I feel like I wanted to tell him that for so long.

Theo suddenly grabs both of my hands in his and intertwines our fingers. He leans down and whispers against my lips.

‘You’re amazing you know?’ I feel his lips brushing against mine when he speaks and it sends chills down my spine. I instinctively close my eyes and tilt my head up.

‘Just kiss me already, Theo.’ I smile when he finally connects our lips and giggles a little into the kiss at first.

I feel him press his lips harder into me and I immediately want even more. I realise how much I missed his touch. When he kisses me like this I just want to give him everything I have. I like the strong and confident side of me that takes over sometimes.

I suddenly break the kiss and take advantage of the fact that he didn’t expect it, to switch our positions. Now Theo is lying on the bed and I’m sitting on his lap. I take a moment to just admire his beautiful body and his lips parted in slight surprise. I watch how he smirks at me then. I can’t stop the heat spreading from my chest to my cheeks and the adrenaline flowing through me. I pull at the hem of my t-shirt and take it off quickly, throwing it somewhere on the floor.

I love watching his eyes change from admiration and want to pure desire and lust. Before I can even blink he sits up and grabs my hips pulling me incredibly close. His hands feel really strong yet gentle on my skin. He leans down to kiss my collar bone, then moves up to my jaw. I grab onto his neck desperately, feeling light headed and drunk. With every kiss and bite I struggle harder and harder to not moan.

‘Theo…’ it comes out of my mouth without permission. He bites a little harder at the sound of his own name from my lips and I instinctively run my hand through his hair, pulling slightly.

 _The human is rational. The wolf is instinctive._ If this is where my instinct leads me I’ll keep on following it.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! I just had to write this pairing and some Thiam fanfics sadly completely ignore the existence of Hayden.... but anyway this is my view of this amazing ship!
> 
> Love xxx


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